State budget cuts through a Watch crystal ball

We don’t know what is coming.

Is that statement clear? But we have some ideas. Last year, some of you thought The Watch staff had gone off its meds when we said the U might go the way of a private, for-pay shop. We still don’t think that is impossible.

But here we go again with outrageous thoughts.

The Institute of International Studies is eliminated.

The current administration likes this program about as much as the Missouri Southern International Piano Competition. Dr. Chad Stebbins is eligible for full retirement in December. Half his staff was reassigned this year. MSSU seems to not like foreigners. This was the brainchild of “the previous administration.” (More on that later) Travel abroad costs money and bringing international students here makes money. They might move this under the admissions umbrella and suggest Stebbins follow the Kleindl, Moorman, Coltharp model and seek a situation elsewhere.

One or two majors are combined or eliminated.

The department of communication is ripe for sacrificing. The introductory speech class has gone assembly line, The Chart has been defanged by firing a journalist and hiring a poet, the only two teaching PhDs have four-months seniority and upgrades to the television and radio stations require money that isn’t there.

We think they might throw The Chart under English and make the TV and radio ex-curricular. Pitt State is light years ahead in broadcasting technology and classes. The admin. might just cut bait here.

Combine music, art and English into a fine arts department. This has been suggested more times than times Newt Gingrich has screwed over a wife. It eliminates two department heads, cuts faculty and staff and fucks over students. Right in RTV’s wheelhouse.

Could MSSU be positioning itself as a “niche” university with health care as a focus? The new Health Sciences Building, cadaver lab and outstanding programs in nursing and dental hygiene combined with the failed and circus-like KCUMB project make such a thought plausible. Those are high-demand careers and the ongoing tornado sympathy might get that over the top.

Adjunct U.

This is already happening as tenure track hires go the way of the dodo and course redesign is watering down academics in the core competencies. With this new speech class format, undergraduates are grading undergraduates. WTF. Why don’t we go back to sixth grade? “Everyone pass your paper to the person behind you.”

Athletics finally takes a hit.

They will have to stay within Title IX, but we bet women’s soccer and golf get the ax by the time the next budget is approved. So far, LL Cool J-Red has been so far up Bruce’s ass that athletics has been spared more than anyone else. But Sherry Buchanan said there will be “no sacred cows.” Well, the U has made hamburger out of pretty much everything else, so it is about time old Corey Hart gets his.

More long-time employees lose their jobs.

We have heard from many people that here is how things work at the U: If you were employed here during “the previous administration” you are in trouble. You can get out of trouble in a few ways.

1. You can publicly denigrate “the previous administration.” This is effectively demonstrated by Rob Yust, Darren Fullerton, Cheryl Cifelli, etc. at Bored of the Governors meetings. Aside: When was the last time you heard Julio Leon’s name mentioned aloud in public? You might have thought he was an imperialist and aloof. But he built this place, he didn’t tear it down. He got you raises. And Missouri Southern wasn’t a punch line.

2. Completely sell out your principles (any you might have had). This can be argued in the cases of some who got their jobs without the requisite education/qualifications/recommendations of committees and are now beholding to RTV. This is most effective in combination with number one. Aside: Dr. Jack Oakes showed great courage and principle once by issuing an open letter in which he said he could not adopt this university’s leadership style and look colleagues in the eye. But he has lately shown signs he might be seduced by the darkness.

3. Earn your teardrop tattoo. Kill someone. Not literally, of course, but professionally and publicly. The more humiliating the better. If you don’t kill them, give them the Kunta Kinte and cut off half their foot so they can’t get off your plantation. Recently see Kelly Wilson and JoJo a Go Go. Aside: Notice that two months after the most protested firing, Hanrahan, his boss, Jay Moorman, took a job in the middle of Kansas. Had he had enough of this gang mentality?

4. Kiss ass and support decisions no matter how vile and destructive. Meet Kevin Greim. Speck could be loading people into cattle cars on the way to Treblinka and Greim would swear a green and gold blood oath. There is nothing wrong with loving your school and supporting your employer, but even Matt McGloin said “Wait a minute…” Aside: You can bleed green and gold and not be a complete tool of the administration. Not once can we find an instance of Robert Corn publicly criticizing his superiors. He was passed over for AD, stripped of his parking space and basically left for dead (See #1, above). So he just put together one of the best teams/runs of his career in the last two years. Beat that with a stick.

5. Be Debbie Dutch Kelly. We can think of no person more universally disliked at Missouri Southern. Does she know human resources up, down and sideways? Yes. Does she use that knowledge for good? No. Hell, Josef Mengele knew medicine. Kelly is feared when she should be a haven when crazy bosses violate rights to vacation days rightfully earned, create untenable work environments and single out employees for harassment. And she does it with all the humanity of the fucking robot in 2001: A Space Odyssey. “I’m afraid I can’t do that, Dave.” Aside: There is no aside here. There is only one DDK.

We hope we are wrong and just got some of the brown acid. But nothing should surprise anyone anymore. Just ask Erik Hilgendorf.


2 Responses to State budget cuts through a Watch crystal ball

  1. Rethinker says:

    No one more universally disliked? Are you sure you don’t want to add some Eis to that statement?

  2. Kate says:

    Sorry, DDK is in a special class all by herself. She not only screws with your benefits while you are at MSSU, she is the gatekeeper for retirement plans, etc. so she keeps on fucking with your life until you die. I’ve never been able to figure out if she is just incompetent, or if she is getting kickbacks from the suppliers of the various third-rate insurance packages, investment plans, and financial shysters she pushes at employees. Any one have an explanation?

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