Beating a dead horse update

We just heard LL Cool-J Regift is chair of the Employee Appreciation Committee.

Sodexho would probably serve it at a picnic.

Well have intercourse with us while we are engaged in high-speed bi-pedal movement. (We are trying to reduce profanity). We are getting closer to the smoking cap gun. (It would be a real gun, but this is about stress balls, after all. It is fun, though.)

Imagine this scenario:

Meeting of the Employee Appreciation Committee

Person 1: “Maybe we could give employees some token of appreciation right before the holidays.”

Person 2: “That is a great idea! But what can we do that won’t break the bank?”

LL Cool J-Regift (In a balloon thought): “Wait. Kevin Griem has a shitload of old Lion stress balls that we used to throw into the (kinda) crowd at football games. If we just get some more, we can show appreciation and insult the university payroll at the same time! Bruce will love me (more than the unhealthy mancrush he already has)!”

LL Cool J-Regift (For real): “Let’s give them stress balls! We all have stress! I could use some balls! Are you using those sun glasses? I know where we can get a deal! All the other morons with master’s degrees in physical education on the Presidunce Council will think I am a genius!”

Person 3: “Jared, you inspire me. Of course, I am episode one of the new season of Intervention.”

Fast forward to Presidunce Council Meeting/Coven/Clusterfuck:

LL Cool J-Regift: “I can save us a ton. And since a university is a collection of uneducated, non-observant individuals, we can get away with it.”

Bruce: “Did I drool on my bib? Wake up, Poppy!”

Darren: “I just don’t get this paddle ball.”

Ms. A Go-Go: “Anyone seen my purse?”

Rob (rolling his eyes): “How much, Jockstrap?”

A.J.: “Do we have Jello Pudding today? I love Bill Cosby. He’s a famous Negro.”

LL Cool J-Regift: “Focus, people. We are ramping up to a situation that could dovetail into a wow factor. I don’t understand what I just said, but it could become a situation where people are not just kissing our asses, but handling our balls. That is the takeaway.”

Bruce: “Did Dwight call?”

Rob: “Just do it. It is shake and bake, but just do it.”

Darren: “Can I he’p?”

Bruce: “Adjourned! Golden Corral for everyone!”

LL Cool J-Regift: “If I had been this sharp before, there would be no Chapter 7 in my biography! Bruce? You’re paying, right?”



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