Academic integrity? We don’t need no academic integrity.

You want the dirty facts?

Of course you don’t. But you come here to get the stinking truth with a little satire. So here is some of both.

That little Star Chamber we have going — Presidunce Council — now has more members without terminal degrees than ones with terminal degrees. And it is two to one.

Of the two that possess doctoral credentials, one is The Fedora’d One and the other is Poppy. We will let that sink in.

The other four in order of current SW power ranking are: LL Cool J-Red, who wears his sunglasses at night so he can’t see that he ain’t getting the matching funds for the Plaster Sports Complex as long as Bart keeps laying eggs; Darren Fullerton, the jock-sniffer and glorified intramural boy of the 1980s (who incidentally doesn’t have a doctorate, but his subordinates sometimes do); Rob Yust, who just counts the money, shuffles the money, well the money; and Jo Jo a Go Go, the little sprite that hasn’t raised shit, got her first job here  just about 18 months ago and is poised to be the next VPWTD (vice president without a terminal degree).

We bet Cliff Tolliver and the rest of the Faculty Senate are setting cocktail consumption records not seen since the implementation of the Volstead Act. Academics are going south, and you all know it.

Here would be a good investigation for Globe publisher Michael Beatty when he tires of playing golf and footsie with TFO: How does MSSU’s Presidunce Council compare with other schools when looking at terminal degrees in those positions?

We would ask The Fart to do it, but the current staff couldn’t identify the parties if it cared. And it is probably busy under a tree reading Emily Dickinson or a newly minted faculty member’s poetry anthology.

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