Jesus Horatio Christmas.
We just wish the raging idiots, er, dream team would NOT do something we predict just to prove us wrong. But, alas, they continue to do stuff. And we called it.
Dr. Darren Fullerton was named the official vice president for wet T-shirt contests today by the Bored of the Governors. From reports, one member of the committee, Cheryl “Property of Bruce” Ciffeli lauded Fullerton as the best candidate by a wide margin.
That is so great. What did the pool of candidates look like? From what we hear, the position was only posted on the BRAND NEW mssu.edu website and the bulletin board at Soul’s Harbour. OK. It was on the call board in Taylor Hall. But only after 10 p.m., so no one saw it.
Is that how it should work? We wondered, so we asked a long-time faculty member how they were hired.
SW (they didn’t know it was us but they do now): How did you know about the job you have now?
Shallow Throat: I saw an ad in The Chronicle.
SW: The Chronicle?
ST: The Chronicle of Higher Education. It is the professional news journal for academics. That is where faculty and administrators look for jobs.
SW: Is it like the classifieds?
ST: No. It has news about colleges and universities, but is where all the schools advertise open positions.
The following is a satirical continuation of the above interview. It did not occur, but the above did.
SW: Did you apply for Vice President for Student Affairs at MSSU?
ST: No. I didn’t see it in The Chronicle.
SW: If you had, would you have applied?
ST: Of course.
SW: Are you qualified?
ST: As the job description is written, my pool boy and gardener are qualified.
Now back to reality.
How do you conduct a search with a committee and not advertise in the standard professional journal of higher education?
Oh. And how about that committee?
Chair: Dr. Richard Miller, Jared Bruggeman, Athletics Director; Cheryl Cifelli, president of the Faculty Senate; Cheryl Dobson, registrar; Josh Doak, director of housing; and Darrell Sour, president of the Student Senate.
Everyone but Miller and Sour either owes their job to Bruce Speck or reports directly to Fullerton.
Jesus. Arnold Rothstein would be proud of these fuckers.