Take us out to the No Balls Game

This fucker hit for himself

The designated hitter rule is like letting someone else take Wilt Chamberlain’s free throws.  ~Rick Wise, 1974

Bruce Speck is an American League fan.

How do we know this? Because he has more designated hitters than Imelda Marcos had shoes.

He has Mark Parsons to raise the dough for him. Even though that bakery is in trouble.

He has Darren Fullerton to do whatever it is Fullerton does. We guess it is mainly dusting his master’s degree in dodgeball and playing glorified hall monitor.

He has Dwight Douglas to be his brain, er, Karl Rove.

He has Rob Yust and Linda “Cold As” Eis to count the money.

He has LL Cool J-Red to wear sunglasses at night and piss off boosters and alumni.

He had Julio Leon to begin the health sciences building, the student recreation center and the mansion renovation. OK. Here Leon worked the count full and Speck just took ball four. But is not fucking up something good the standard?

But at least these folks take their own at-bats. Man, listening to Speck talk about how hard everyone else is working every month at the Bored meeting convinces us he is a AL guy.

No wonder he is about as popular as Charles O. Finley.


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