Over the course of the year, we will be ranking who is moving up and down in the pecking order. Dwight “Gepetto” Douglas and Woody are not included as they are the the ringmasters.
1. AJ Anglin. Hey Zeus Horatio Christmas is this guy zooming up the charts. We hear RTV all but abdicated to him at the faculty assembly and that he is the new “face” of the U. Says all the right things, but will it be more of the same? Kliendl light?
2. Cheryl Cifelli: Word is she was hangin’ hard last night in the Prez’s tent. And we bet it ain’t for the Lion Cookies, either. RTV told the promotions and tenure committee to go get bent and promoted her and got her tenure anyway. And now she is watching faculty backs with her lips on the administration’s backside.
3. LL Cool J-Red: Man, we had 5K strong at the football thing. We shut out the opponent. We had a guy get about 150 rushing. Nice night. Rock ‘n’ Roll. But it will be the same year. Losing records in just about everything but baseball and the track program. But Jock Sniffer Bruce puts him on the President’s Council.
4. Bob “The Builder” Harrington: Never in the history of Southern have so few let so much go to shit under the guise of being “swamped.” Nut up. And stop going on the disabled list.
5. April at University Java: We honestly believe her caffeine crack shop keeps many of us going.
Honorable mentions: Darren “to please” Fullerton, DDK, The Foundation (When they get those naming rights down, it’s all gonna click)
We are accepting nominations in the comments section.